Clam Holder.
Photo: Scott Eisen/Bravo
Picture this: Bravo was in crisis mode. Franchise reboots were floundering and shows were being canceled left and right. Something had to be done, and fast. they ran real housewives The manufacturing laboratory is hidden miles underground, accessible only through a trap door watch what happens live Studio, and they started punching the buttons until smoke and sparks started coming out of the machines. Oops, they accidentally cloned Dolores Catania seven times! and thus real housewives of rhode island was born, Bravo’s first new addition to the franchise in four years and he promised to fill the role new Jersey-The sizeable void in our hearts. And if the premiere episode is any indication – mission accomplished.
Apart from featuring only large Italian families (and the real Dolores Catania as their friend), the show also jerseyStep through the artists’ deep, decades-old connections. Mapping them all would require John Nash’s chalkboard a beautiful MindBut rest assured, it also involves making communion together, sisters stealing high-school boyfriends, and tanning salons. And now, after all that history, they’re clam holders. That’s right, instead of the exquisite pearls held in the promo images, the opening credits show all the ladies holding clams.
The first clam holder we’re introduced to is Alicia, whose New England accent sounds like beautiful music to my ears as she asks for “any cola” of wine and tells us that she and her daughter both love “Britney Spears.” She’s hosting her large Italian family, including her aunt, who complains about the excruciatingly long drive from Cranston to Providence (it’s 15 minutes away, we soon learn, but that didn’t stop one of them from packing a flask). The series couldn’t have gotten off to a more promising start, and upon his arrival it doesn’t take long for him to begin interrogating Alicia about her nine-year engagement. But finally, the moment I knew I was stuck was when the conversation turned to Alicia’s friend Liz, and her mom said, without any explanation, “She has a terrible fear of frogs.” I pray to God this is a Chekhov’s gun situation. I haven’t even laid eyes on Liz yet, but I definitely know I need to see her come face to face with a frog, and I need to know why Alicia’s mom is so convinced about this phobia.
Alicia has known Liz since she was born, she calls her Queen Elizabeth — and the sprinkling of Medieval Times-esque decor in her mansion definitely adds to that nickname. But she’s also the self-proclaimed queen of weed. If you weren’t able to tell from the charming cadence of her statements, she and her husband own a cannabis dispensary. Even better, they’re also related, thanks to a genealogy website they discovered six months after their wedding — although I have questions about that. How Those related remain unresolved. Instead, we see her board a boat and cross the water to grab lunch with the show’s youngest cast member, Kelsey, who Liz knows because she grew up with her much older boyfriend.
As soon as Kelsey scoops out all the seeds from the lemon in her drink – a tick that’s the sign of a promising Real Housewife (a la) dead body outside) – We found out that she’s basically a kept woman. Not only is this much older boyfriend not visible onscreen, but his face is censored in the photos. They have an arrangement where he spends half the year in Miami where he dates other people and she just has to deal with it. It’s been a life of comfort for ten years, but now that she’s 30, she’s at a crossroads where she wants something more committed but knows he’s not changing. Stories like this make me so happy that women in these situations have it real housewives Franchise as an escape route.
Next up, as we get introduced to our new clam holders (and try to train our brains to tell them all apart), there’s Jo-Ellen, who has an interesting marital situation of her own. She met her husband, Gary, when they were in high school, but we soon learn that his older sister, Jane, was also with him before she stole him away. Alicia later hinted that there might be more of a crossover than what Jo-Ellen has told us, and teased a few rumors while she’s at it — but we have a whole season to get into that so let’s pace ourselves. It is also through Jo-Ellen that we get the first fight of the series between her and Rosie.
Rosie is a former local newscaster who now hosts her own weekend lifestyle show road trippin, One clip of which Jo-Ellen is quick to point out has only been viewed 215 times (but to be fair, keep in mind how small Rhode Island is). She’s connected to the women through Alicia, and they know each other for a sacred reason: “The girl who did my Botox is her best friend.” Rosie has been married for a year to the man she claims No A Frank Sinatra impersonator. Every sentence that comes out of these women’s mouths – at least the ones that I can understand – is even crazier than the last. I am very grateful.
As a segment on her hit weekend show, Rosie is hosting a small beach picnic for some women, including her enemy Jo-Ellen, whom she hopes will be nicer than usual. She’s also invited Alicia and Ashley, both of whom you may already be familiar with if you’ve seen her meet her Rhode Island-native husband, Jared. bachelor in paradise. The couple are now influencers and own a coffee shop, and Ashley struggles to find her people as an outsider in the cliquey Rhode Island community. But it seems as if she’s fully adjusting to the culture after arriving at a picnic with Dunkin’.
After interviewing the “chief salami officer” of a charcuterie company, Rosie (our generation’s Walter Cronkite) welcomes the women, who waste no time arriving at the picnic table. Jo-Ellen mentions that Kelsey is going through a lot right now, and you can see Rosie bookmarking that information for later. They get back to it while playing a quick game of Never Have I Ever (which reveals that Jo-Ellen has done butt stuff and threesomes – one woman of the world!), when Rosie says she thought Kelsey was a polygamist. But even in her first episode, Jo-Ellen is an intelligent Real Housewife and doesn’t bite. “I don’t know; you should ask him,” she says, not falling into the trap.
She’s annoyed that Rosie is talking nonsense, but Rosie thinks it’s ironic that the last time they were together Jo-Ellen was talking so much rubbish about her, calling the wine she brought lousy and saying she was so bad that even the kids wouldn’t like her. “I don’t think I said that to your face, but I feel that way,” Jo-Ellen responded. Oh, we’ve got a show on our hands. Despite making Rosie cry with that comment (which we surprisingly got wind of right before), she’s still invited to Jo-Ellen’s big Fourth of July party, as is Ashley, who is overjoyed to finally have friends.
But what is the Fourth of July actually celebrating? Jo-Ellen has no idea, and her willingness to admit this once again on television, is promising for the future of the show. In fact, I’d like to see him go further and try to describe the origins of all holidays. Determined to win over the hostess, Rosie arrives with a bouquet of fireworks and a $60 bottle of champagne, but Liz brings something even more valuable: Dolores Catania.
The nearly identical pair (we soon learn they share a plastic surgeon and dentist, which explains a lot) first met at a cannabis convention, and now Dolores conveniently has a summer rental in Rhode Island that coincides with filming. The feeling I’m getting from this casting is that Dolores is like a mentor or midwife to the show, providing guidance to these newbie housewives as they birth this series. And she slips into the role effortlessly, listening attentively as Jo-Ellen tells Kelsey about what was said at the picnic and helping the story by encouraging the hostess to greet Rosie.
Kelsey is clearly in the inaugural hot seat. But listen, when you join a real housewives Cast When your boyfriend is very openly in Miami with his other girlfriend, this attention should come as no surprise. Still, she’s not thrilled, but when she confronts Rosie, Rosie is able to skillfully get out of it like Luann de Lesseps by slipping out of a pair of handcuffs. She was just thinking innocently, Rosie explains, before flipping the script and saying that Jo-Ellen was actually the first to bring up the difficult time she was going through. These are workaholics and stars who need to waste no time finding their sea legs.
We’re only one episode in, and think what we’re already dealing with: a nine-year stalled engagement, reluctant polygamy, overbearing spouses, a flop lifestyle show, dangling accusations after stealing your sister’s man, and always crying. unmarried Competitors. And there’s still another housewife we ​​haven’t even met yet, who I pray to God has a pet frog.
